Feb 11, 2014
I was right I knew I’d call her the moment I got home and I did, and true to form she was waiting for me. “Hi there, handsome, long time no see.” And I could feel the warmth of her smile even through the phone lines. She just seemed to have a knack for managing to make me feel special no matter what the situation was. We talked for what seemed like only a matter of moments but in reality was well over an hour when I finally forced myself to say my good nights to her, but not bfore extracting another promise from her to meet in the morning. The rest of the week that I thought would just drag by until Friday night, seemed to magically slip by. The time was easily filled with our pre workdates, actually working, which for me was a challenge to focus on as my mind always seemed to drift back to thoughts of the woman that I loved so dearly. Meeting after work, running errands and sharing meals together followed by after dinner strolls hand in hand, snuggling in front of the telly or my personal favourite being able to hold her and feel her lips caressing mine.
“Anything else I can help you pack for the weekend?” I inquired as I walked into her bedroom and caught her around the waist and gave her a delicate sliding kiss down her neck to her shoulder which was bared by the tank top she had on. “Liam” she purred “Stop that, I have to think for a minute and you’re distracting me.” “Moi, a distraction? Never!!” I protested my innocence as I rained soft kisses over her exposed shoulder. “Yes you!” she shot back at me. “Now if you aren’t going to be part of the solution your obviously part of the problem. Would you please behave yourself, the sooner I finish up we can put Barclay in his carrier and be off.” I couldn’t help but grin at the thought of spending an entire weekend with her. “Okay, okay. I surrender.” And with that I gave her a final gentle kiss on her cheek and sauntered over to the bed and looked over my shoulder as I went. “Aha, caught you looking. Enjoying the view?” She blushed, at being caught in the act. “So it isn’t just me slowing down the process.” I crowed at her as I flopped down on the bed. I lounged on the bed propped up by some pillows, hoping I looked as seductive and enticing as one of those models you see on those romance paperbacks with the come hither looks on their faces.
“I’m not looking, I’m not looking” she claimed throwing her hands over her face, and spreading her fingers so she could still peak. We both shared a giggle and she continued to scamper about opening drawers and closets and tossing things into her suitcases.
“Are you planning on moving in permanently with all of the stuff your packing” I inquired amused at the ever growing collection of items. Not that the concept of her making this a permanent situation seemed to be phasing me at all. “I promise you’ll be the first to know when this is going to be a permanent thing.” And she gave me a meaningful look. “There I’m finally done.” She announced and triumphantly zipped up her suitcases and gave them a firm pat, as if to give herself reassurance that this was the right decision. She sidled over to the bed where I was still trying my best to give her my come hither impression. It must have worked because she sat down beside me and leaned in to give me a slow lingering kiss that awakened my senses. She gave me a look that revealed her unabashed adoration and affection of me but also the underlying anxiety of us being so committed already. I found her hand, gave it a reassuring squeeze and drew it to my lips and brushed a kiss across it. My eyes wordlessly conveyed to her that there was no need to worry as all would be well. She seemed to sense that and gave my hand a little squeeze in return as if to tell me she was putting her faith in me. That was an awesome responsibility and not one I’d take lightly.
“Okay you grab Barclays’s carrier and I’ll go hunt up Barclay and we’ll get this show on the road.” I found Barclay curled up on a cushion on the sofa and I scooped him up, ready to get him in his carrier. Which as it turned out was not as easy as I’d hoped it would be. Apparently according to Lorelei he associated it with trips to his “Kitty Pediatrician” so he tended to put up a fuss whenever it was time to put him in it. It took us a couple of trips to load everything into the car, as in addition to Barclay and 2 suitcases there was a box of kitchen supplies so she could make something to take to the barbeque the next day. Seems she had her doubts that my kitchen despite being recently well stocked would be missing things like Madagascar vanilla and saffron.
Soon everything was stowed neatly in the trunk with the exception of Barclay, who was carefully placed in the back seat and after being reassured in soothing tones, that his was not his yearly visit to the vets for his jabs, settled down and purred happily. We glided in and out of Friday night traffic, singing along happily to tunes on the radio, and just simply enjoying our time together. As I turned on to my street and drove down it I felt as though I were bursting with happiness, because I was heading home and it wasn’t alone. I hit the automatic garage door opener and we pulled in. Lorelei carried Barclay in while I unloaded the suitcases and box of kitchen supplies and brought up the rear of our little entourage. She put Barclay’s carrier down on the kitchen floor and opened it. Barclay sniffed the air, deemed it acceptable and slowly exited, stretching out his muscles after being cooped up. We decided it was best to just allow him to explore his new surroundings at his own pace. I whisked the carrier away and stowed it the coat closet. I’d left the box of kitchen supplies on the kitchen counter. I looked at the suitcases sitting there on the floor not sure which room they would be going to after all I didn’t want to assume anything about the weekends’ sleeping arrangements. They sat there immobile, and the unspoken decision about to be made had me on pins and needles.
Her soft voice broke the silence, “Liam would you be a darling and take those to our room please, while I unpack this box.” A simple request and it caused my heart to feel as light as a feather. “No worries, my pleasure.” And it truly was my pleasure to take them there. On my return from my task I found her in the living room, thumbing through my C.D’s looking for something to slip in and listen to. I liked the way she was making herself at home, and I flopped down on the sofa, and just enjoyed taking in the scene before my eyes. She found something to her liking and popped it in and hit play, then came and joined me on the sofa. Barclay was sitting in the living room window tail twitching making these funny little sounds which I would later learn was his idea of a hunting cry as a very saucy little squirrel chattered away at him through the window pane. She slipped her hand into mine and drew it to her lips and kissed me, “Happy?” she inquired as she snuggled into me. I nodded but the grin that was spread across my face seemed to say it all. I don’t know how long we sat there in companionable silence just enjoying the simple act of being together, no pressure to take her home or come home myself, just the undeniable joy in the moment we were sharing.
“While this is wonderful, I guess we should sort a couple of things out.” I said in a rather reluctant voice, as I truly hated to break this special moment in time we were sharing. “So what do you need to get done tonight so that we have the weekend free and clear for just the two us to enjoy rest of it without leaving things to the last minute and having to rush. Let’s make a list and we’ll divide and conquer it so it gets done in half the time.” I said “A team player, I like that.” Liam said pulling me closer with his arm and giving me a quick kiss. “Okay for me and around here it would be, grading my students assignments to return to them Monday morning, mowing the lawn, laundry, bit of cleaning, and of course setting my buddy Barclay up with food and water bowls, and showing him where the little boys room is located for his convenience, oh and dinner.” He added hastily. “Let me guess you’re hungry.” And I laughed at him and rumpled his hair good naturedly at this announcement.
“As for me I need to unpack my suitcases, figure out what you’ve got and not got in the kitchen to see if we need to pick up anything we’re making to take your folks place tomorrow.” I pondered the best way to split up the tasks and get them done as quickly and as efficiently as possible. “Okay how’s this sound, the lawn should take you what a half hour or so?” I asked him. “That sounds just about right.” Okay you go get that done and out of the way. I’ll set Barclay up and put my stuff away. Then I’ll make you a snack for when you’re done with the mowing. You can have that while you work at your desk, and I won’t disturb you while I put the laundry in and start on dinner and the rest of it. Sound like a plan?” Sounds good to me, any time I don’t have to do my own laundry it sounds like a good deal to me and as a bonus I’m getting fed.” Liam laughed. Liam headed off to get the lawn taken care off and I started off on my tasks, but not before there was very friendly and affectionate kisses, hugs and caresses exchanged between the two of us, a little reminder of things yet to come.
I heard the mower roar to life as I filled up food and water bowls for Barclay and placed them on a mat on the kitchen floor. I showed him where his litter box was, then I made sure he had some of his toys out to amuse himself with as well as tossing him a couple kitty treats and giving him a scratch behind the ears then left him to his own devices as I headed off to the bedroom to unpack. I soon discovered the empty dresser drawers, closet space and which night stand Liam had cleared out and allocated for my things. It made me feel like he genuinely wanted me here and sharing what had previously been his and his alone. I understood and appreciated it more than he knew what it was like for him to make these changes in his life for me. Everything was put away, including the empty suitcases which I stored on a shelf in the walk in closet. The only thing I had left to do in here for the time being was to slip my journal into the nightstand drawer. I happened to glance at the alarm clock and realized I’d better get a move on and gather up the laundry and get it started while I started on a snack for Liam when he finished the yard work. Then thoughts of what to make for dinner and tomorrow occupied my thoughts and I absent mindedly left my journal on the desk in Liam’s room while I found the clothes hamper and gathered up a few odd socks and what not that had been haphazardly left about the room on furniture and on the floor. Then it was off to the bathroom to check for towels and anything else that need laundering. The search of the living room yielded a pair of balled up socks under the coffee table and I was ready to take it to the laundry room and start sorting. Barclay followed me tentatively down the stairs to the basement to see what sort of adventures lay down there for a little cat that wanted to explore.
I separated things into piles towels, whites, and darks and tossed the first load into the machine and added detergent, looked for the fabric softener and not finding any made a mental note to add it to our shopping list. I started the machine and headed back upstairs to the kitchen Barclay hot on my heels as he didn’t want to miss out on anything. I dug about in the fridge and poked through the cupboards debating about what to make Liam for a snack and what I was going to make for dinner. I was reaching for some crackers on a shelf when he came in and wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed the top of my head. I could feel the sheen of the perspiration on his chest as he pressed against me. Obviously he’d gotten hot and removed his shirt while he’d been working. “Hungry?” I squeaked before I lost my focus and started to concentrate on the fact that I had this very attractive, semi dressed man holding me in his arms and the heat of his breathe on my flesh making my skin tingle.
“Famished” as he began to nibble on my earlobe with delicate little nips that were making things heat up very quickly between the two of us. With every ounce of will power I possessed I reminded him that right now it was work time and play time would be all that much more enjoyable later when everything else was taken care of. He sighed heavily and gave me one last sliding kiss down my throat that ended with some playful little nibbles that left me breathing rather heavily purring in delight. “You don’t play fair Liam.” I moaned at him. “My dear lady all is fair in love and war.” And with that he gave me a playful pat on my bum and added “Should you require my services I’ll be in the shower then at my desk getting my grading done.” “I’d put the shower off for a bit sport, I’ve got a load of laundry in, and we don’t want you scalding or freezing anything of importance now do we?” I giggled at him. “Ah you do love me, after all. That or your very attached to at least certain parts of me already.” He grinned at me. “GO!” I said pointing in the direction of the bedroom. “Testy are we?” and he waltzed off triumphantly whistling as he went.
I would have liked to have had a shower and cleaned up so I was fresh for Lorelei but I took her warning to heart as once too often I had experienced the none too pleasant thrills of water temperature changes. I gathered up the papers I needed to take a look at, found a pen and a highlighter and set to work at my desk. I was so absorbed in it that Lorelei startled me when she came in with my snack a short while later. She placed the glass and the plate on the side of my desk. As always it looked amazing the way she had presented it. A plate containing an assortment of cheeses, crackers, perfectly chilled grapes, strawberries and apple slices, along with a glass of iced tea. “That should tide you over until I can get dinner on the table.” She leaned over and kissed me. One of her kisses was never enough for me though and I caught her hand and pulled her back to me for just one more sweet shared moment. She smiled, patted me on the shoulder and turned to leave. I watched the gentle sway of her hips as her form disappeared through the doorway of the bedroom. I stretched my arms to get my circulation going again and popped a couple of the cold sweet grapes into my mouth. Then about to settle down to my task at hand I noticed a book on my desk that had never been there before. I idly picked it up and leafed through it, recognizing the hand writing at once as belonging to Lorelei. My eyes began to drift over the entries in it and I soon found myself skimming the text.
“I know I’m being totally ridiculous in thinking this man will ever notice me or be interested in me in the slightest. He’s so out of my league and I know it, and even if we were on a level playing field I’m too much of a coward to ever have the courage to even say a simple hello to him, hidden in the shadows like some voyeur I try to commit every little detail of him to my memory, an accidental brush of his hand against mine and the thrill of it lingers even yet, admittedly he is the most handsome man that I've ever seen, and those eyes of his, how I long to gaze into them deeply to my hearts content and truly see him and allow him to see me as well and what is harboured in my heart for him. My heart and soul cry out to him, anguished that I shall never know what it’s like to be loved by him. If I could only have but one perfect day with him, to share all those little things that mean so much. To make love to him would be almost more than I could bare but I just know it would be the ultimate experience, and even once would be enough to sate me, and last me a lifetime, for that’s all it would ever be, he could never love me not as flawed and scarred as I am. My soul is not my own when he is near, and I would gladly sacrifice mine the essence of my core being to share the ecstasy of even one brief moment sharing myself with him.
My shoulders slumped as I folded the book shut and just stared at it lying there on top of my desk. I felt the colour flooding from my cheeks and I felt physically ill. What she’d written clearly wasn’t about me and the thought of her feeling that way about another man devastated me. I thought, obviously quite mistakenly that we shared something magical between us, and yet in her own hand no less, the ultimate poison pen. A wry laugh at that thought rose in my throat but it caught in my throat, for once in my life I couldn’t find the humour in something. She came bouncing in the door, full of energy “Come on, dinners ready, come and get it.” I sat immobile and felt the burn of bile building in my throat. “Liam, sweetheart, if now’s not good for you and you need some more time I’ll keep dinner warm for you.” I couldn’t find my voice to say anything, and yet I knew I had to confront her about what I had just discovered.
She moved so that she was now facing me and her face was questioning. “Liam what’s wrong. You don’t look well at all, are you ill? What can I do?” she inquired anxiously.
“Who is he?” I choked the words out from between my parched lips. “Who’s who????????” she said looking at me as if I had gone suddenly quite mad as a hatter and was not in my right senses. “Liam this isn’t the least bit funny, if you’re ill you have to tell me so I can help you. Do you need me to get you some sort of medication that you are taking? I could see the fear building in her eyes and in her body language that she was truly worried something was indeed very wrong with me. I picked up the book and stopped just short of flinging it across the room. “Who is he? Who is the man that your so in love with. It’s all in here in your own hand you can’t deny it, so tell me the truth. NOW!!” I demanded of her in a cold controlled tone of voice.
“You read my journal?” she cross examined me, her own temper beginning to peak. “I did indeed. Now I want to know who the bastard is that your so in love with and why you’ve been playing games with me. Just settling on me are you because you can’t get what you truly wanted, my pet?” I taunted her. She took several deep breathes trying to control herself before she spoke to me again. “Right now I am pretty bloody furious with you and I don’t know if I should hug you or slug you at the moment. I have half a mind to do the latter and try to knock some sense into you. Fortunately for you I’m not one given to violent acts to get my point across.” I was about to say something in response to her but she cut me short. “Don’t even think about uttering a single word until I’m finished having my say, then I’ll hear you out. You’ve just jumped all over me after we had firmly agreed that when we had a misunderstanding we’d discuss it in a calm and mature manner. But for now you’ve decided to turn jumping to conclusions into an Olympic calibre sport at the moment.” She huffed at me.
“Yes I wrote those things and yes I am very much in love with the man that those words are written about, and I still am even though at the present time he’s behaving like a horses’ hind end, and a royal one at that.” She sank to her knees and clasped my hands in hers, I tried to pull them away from her but she held me firmly and looked steadfastly into my eyes. “Can’t you recognize yourself Liam? You are the “he” to whom I referring to, only I didn’t know your name at the time I wrote those things. You also obviously never checked the dates of those entries nor did you read the journal in its entirety or you would have known it was about you. It’s always been about you and it always will be about you.” Tears began to rush down her cheeks and she lowered her eyes. “I’m a complete and utter coward Liam. I’ve yearned for you for far longer than you can imagine, and I was too spineless and timid to even say hello to you. I had to have some way of dealing with my feelings for you, so I wrote about them. I wrote about you and how I felt about you and how you made me feel. I loved you then and I love you know with every ounce of my being.” She collapsed against my knees sobbing uncontrollably.
I sank to the floor beside her and cradled her heaving body against mine trying to console her after the damage I had done. “There, there” I get repeating in hushed tones as I kissed the dampened hair on her brow. “I’m so sorry, and I don’t know how I’m going to make this all up to you but I will I swear I’ll do everything in my power to make this up to you Lorelei. I swear with God as my witness, I will.” And I held her close rocking her gently. “I’ve just never had any one love me the way you do or see me the way that you seem to be able to. I’m both honoured and humbled that you can see so much that is honourable in me. I was a fool for thinking there was someone else in your life that was competing for your affections. The only one I’ve been competing against it turns out is me.” “Would you ever consider letting me read the journal in its entirety not just skimming bits and pieces of it as I did? I’d value the opportunity to be able to view myself as though I was seeing myself through your eyes. I have a feeling it will make me strive to be a better man and one that is worthy of you. Please would you do me that honour?” I nodded, and answered him “Yes” in a still small voice as the sobs that had been racking my body finally began to subside. My head rested against his bare chest and I held him tightly.
He tilted my head up gently but firmly in one of his hands and regarded me in a contemplative manner. “You truly are the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on.” “Well you’ve got the creature part right anyways” I snuffled. “My nose and eyes are red and swollen from crying. I’ve got a blotchy face and I’m sure my mascara has run, I’m sure I look a total and utter fright.” I grumbled. “No, you are beautiful, truly beautiful and I’ve never seen you more beautiful than you are at this moment.” He contradicted me. “You give me your unfailing love, your trust and devotion and you give it to me of your own free will and so unconditionally. I’ve never had that with anyone else. I know the value of those virtues of yours and I know them better than ever now. Your beauty is genuine Lorelei for it comes from within,” and with that he kissed me, and we both knew we forgiven but a valuable lesson had just been learned by both of us.
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